Maybe it is just that my eyes are glazed from too many hours of spreadsheets and my brain feels like it has atrophied to the size of a pea due to lack of stimuli, but I’m feeling less than amicable to my current job. Sure, everyone goes through spates of unreasonable deadlines where work piles up faster than it leaves and nothing seems to function correctly. Top brass sends sympathy cards along with the next stack of due dates. “Keep your chin up! You are doing a great job.” My personal favorite: “We know this will be a tough goal to meet.” You know you are doomed when you hear that one!
But the creeping tension is leaving me more cynical than normal. I keep reflecting on the hours of leadership and supervisory training I’ve taken. Over 80 hours in total! So much of it covered the topic of “Work/Life Balance.” Feeling burnt to a crisp with nothing left to give, I’m wondering exactly what that is supposed to mean? Is it some lovely buzz word to foist on employees to exhibit concern and compassion for their overtaxed state? Can you seriously balance work with life pursuits? Especially when you leave the office devoid of all energy and emotion and want nothing more than a drink and bed. Something has to give.
I used to believe in putting in my 8 to 10 hours. Attended night meeting to build comp time which meant more time off, right? I could use my vacation time for a day off to go sailing; no questions asked if scheduled ahead of time. Not a bad deal. The job funded the house, cars, trips – life. So, it is balanced.
But I sold the house because it ate too much of my ‘free’ time. I’ve given away most of my possessions and don’t really want too much beyond what I have (okay, an indoor shower would be nice!). And now there are FOUR trips I want to take in the next 12 months, all of which I can afford, but only two of which I have vacation time for. Huh, something isn’t adding up.
So what happens when the balance tips? When you wake up and realize the job you have is negatively impacting who you are and where you want to be? Am I too cautious since I keep working while trying to build side careers and alternative exit strategies? Or is it okay to be the responsible one, pay off the final debts, as long as I have a firm “That is it, I’m outta here” date? Some days I want nothing more than to be walking out of the door to my office for the last time. I feel like I’m sitting on the fence leaning WAY over to one side, wondering when I will finally tip.
When it’s this bad, I try to take a break and not worry. I’ll trust the plans we put into place while energetic and thinking clearly. Follow the steps as they are and make it through the rest of this month and the next . . . ! After all, it is a little late to jump a sailboat going south! 😉